Editorial / Debate of the Day

The Gentlemen's Club Editorial

by Harold Brandlemash.

Fortitude. Perseverance. Dignity. Three words said by my headmaster at Charterhouse when welcoming new boys to the school. He said, in a sage like manner, that these were three qualities all boys should aspire to have. It was later discovered that on the day of his first speech to the new boys he was stuck for inspiration and merely used the first three clues from that morning’s Times crossword. He tried a similar speech when welcoming back the sixth-formers the following day, but foolhardily using the new morning’s crossword. When two hundred 16 & 17 year-old are welcomed back and told by their headmaster that he expects them to show signs of (1 across) Insolence (2 down) Promiscuity and (3 across) A Tropical Disease over the coming year then they are often confused.

He had a thing about crosswords did old Mr. Herbert. He used to say life was like a crossword. Some blanks would get filled as time went by. Others might not. Some might get filled in, but may not be what one thought they should be. And of course it had it’s downs. He never really thought of anything to compare ‘across’ to – which drove him round the twist. He did think of something on his last day as a teacher there. I remember him shouting “Look boys, I know the analogy for across”, with a big beaming smile on his face as he leapt from the top of the belfry.

Unlike other schools such as Gordonstoun that believe that suffering and austerity breed character, the philosophy at Charterhouse was far more cruel. The founders noticed how one can adapt to total hardship, so they installed a regime where things were not unbearable, but are still not quite as nice as one would like them to be. A day typical would start at just before half eight, when we were woken by matron tweaking our ears. We then had to take a luke-warm shower before the 200 yard run to the breakfast room. A delicious full cooked breakfast was cooked but only one item of cutlery was allowed per boy. One rascal of a boy once bought in a spare fork and was severely punished – being given two lashes of the came across the soles of his shoes.

But those wise words from Mr Herbert have definitely put me in good stead. For now I am able to share the ideals of fortitude, perseverance and dignity through the pages of this fine magazine, for it would never have got started had I not had those three qualities. Obviously, my father being a publishing magnate helps, but let’s just be thankful that I was not a sixth-former when I first heard Mr Herbert speak, or the Gentlemen’s Club could have a rather different membership.


Debate of the Day

Welcome gentlemen, to a new feature in Gentlemen’s Club where we will endeavour to enter the intoxicating word of intellectual debate. Each month we will gather two of today’s best academic minds and thrash out one the issues of our modern society. Today we feature the burning topic of the possibility of women being given the right to vote sometime in the not too distant future.

I have with me today Mr. Archibald Wickford, emeritus professor of social history at Kings College, Cambridge and Lord Pembroke Q.C., one of the countries leading experts in societal law. Lord Pembroke, if I could start with you. Do you believe women should be given the vote?

Lord Pembroke: No.

And you professor?

Prof. Wickford: I totally agree.

Well there you have it*. Next month, should we abolish hanging - and bring in something
nastier instead.

* Some of our more liberal readers may feel this debate may have been better served had we invited a female into the discussion. We did consider this, but the rules of the Gentlemen’s Club implicitly state no woman shall be granted admittance. To compensate we allowed an embroidered cushion to state the female viewpoint. Sadly the cushion failed to contribute to the discussion at any time during the proceedings.



A thought for the Christmas season
(sponsored by Coatbridge Furnishings of Mayfair)

At this time of year it is natural for a gentleman to think of his family and the joyful times ahead. But for a moment let’s think outside of these comforting confines. Outside even our own shores, where others may not be so fortunate. I speak of our colonial cousins. I have traveled to India where some villages suffer poverty so abject that they make the slums of the East End look only a bit horrid. On seeing such poverty one cannot help but wonder if there is anything one could do. Well, there is. A charity has been set up just to help these poor people. If you were to contribute £2 to the fund then an entire village would be able to have running water, a teacher and agricultural aid to last a whole year. I know £2 is a lot of money but what else of such value could you buy with £2?

Well one thing would be.....

.....this superb luxury armchair from Coatbridge Furnishings.

It’s got arms
It’s got legs
It’s got comfy cushions
It’s got splendid looks
And above all, it’s hasn’t got room for anyone else, so you can enjoy it unfettered by others.

Only £2 from Coatbridge Furnishings of Mayfair.